asek ja lidah niee gatal.. napa nie =.="

- buku -

yesterday.. aku beli buku. huhu..

dua buku.. Tajuk dia..

-Bila Zina Jadi Budaya..
-Alexendar Adalah Zulqarnain

aku beli buku Bila zina jadi budaya tue.. sbb topik dlm dia. best..
sgt bermakna..
and i learn from it =)
byk ilmu bermakna dlm dia..

last nite.. aku baca buku yg Bila Zina Jadi Budaya tue..

and i wanna share the part which is i think i need to share to everyone here..
Buku nie ada 12 topik. and smlm aku da baca smpai topik 7..
huhu..

this is several thing yg i gotta say. impressed me ~
i never thought about it. until.. i read all of this last nite..

betul kah.. selama nie. apa yg kita cakap kita cinta tue. kita sayang tue..
worth it? berapa lama kah kasih kita dapat bertahan.. cinta kita terhadap seseorg tue mampu bertahan. sedangkn kita tahu.. dunia ini hanya sementara..
im not saying that we live in this world doesn't need love from anyone..
mmg kita d cipta pun berpasangan kn.. mmg lumrah la manusia tue ingin mencintai dan di cintai..

tapi.. what i wanna say here.. berapa ramai kta nie. yg bercinta berlandaskn islam?
berapa ramai kita nie yg bercinta utk keredhaan Allah s.w.t ?
hmm.. ada satu ayat yg aku baca semalam.. agak buat aku sebak sekejap..
ayat dia

"lebih baik bagimu jika sebatang paku di pacakkan ke kepalamu daripada engkau menyentuh wanita yg tidak dihalalkan bagimu" - Hadis riwayat Thabrani, Baihaqi -

kalo kita fikir2 balik la.. zaman skrg nie.. ada ka kita punya conversation antara lelaki perempuan yg ada batas?
means.. skrg nie. kalo lelaki perempuan berkawan.. relax ja maen cubit2.. pgg tgn ka apa ka.. bsalam ka..
ini baru bkawan.. belum lagi cerita yg sudah bcinta.. yg dah bcinta.. im not saying ALL okei..
tapi most of them.. jgn cerita pgg tangan la.. yg lain2 tue pun bOle jaa di pegang.. asal masing2 rela..

i wonder.. kita nie.. adakah semakin bertamadun.. ataupun kita semakin hilang nilai2 kemanusian..

kita lihat ja di dalam newspaper.. berita.. tiada cerita lain.. mesti ada ja kes bayi kena buang.
bayi kena bakar dalam tong sampah.. mcm2 lagi la..

ada satu part dlm buku nie.. sgt2 buat aku sebak..
bila d satu kejadian nie..

Seorang wanita datang kepada rasulullah S.A.W dan memberitahu bahawa dia telah berzina. Wanita tersebut berkata kepadar rasulullah S.A.W " wahai rasulullah! sucikanlah saya!" rasulullah S.A.W bersabda, " celakalah kamu, pulanglah dan minta ampunlah kepada Allah!". perempuan itu pun berkata, "aku harap engkau ingin mengembalikan aku sebagaimana engkau mengembalikan Ma'iz bin Malik." kemudian rasulullah S.A.W memperhatikannya dan melihat perutnya yg hamil. Maka baginda bertanya, " mengapa dengan perutmu itu? " lantas perempuan itu memberitahu bahawa dia telah mengandung dari benih org yang menzinainya. Rasulullah S.A.W bertany, "kamu berzina?" perempuan itu menjawab, "ya"
kemudian rasulullah S.A.W menyuruhnya untuk pulang sehingga dia melahirkan dan menyuruh seorang lelaki Ansar untuk menanggung keperluannya sehingga ia melahirkan. pada suatu hari, datanglah lelaki itu, lalu berkata kepada baginda, " perempuan itu telah melahirkan," kemudian lelaki itu berdiri dan berkata kepada baginda, " Saya yang akan mengurus anaknya ya nabi Allah." Lalu rasulullah S.A.W pun memerintah untuk merejamnya, maka di rejamlah perempuan tersebut. ( HADIS RIWAYAT MUSLIM )

dari kisah ini.. dapat shj kita lihat. Betapa tegasnya islam dalam mengendalikan hukuman penzina ini ke atas umatnya.. ini baru hukuman dunia..
di akhirat?
mampukah kita menghadapinya..

sometimes.. in my own personal view in my own life..
now i know y.. i must be alone. not i mean i don't want to have gf..
but when i read this. when i think all of the consequences that will arise by having a gf..

i donow.. i think i'd rather be alone. then having a couple.. being love by a person..
then i lose Allah love towards me..
im scared of that.. im really scared of that.
after all my dark experience in this life, and i learn my way back to find Allah~

i don't wanna lose it.. ya Allah.. ko kuatkanlah hati hamba mu ini..
aku merayu padamu.. jgnlah engkau tarik hidayah mu keatas diriku ini..
i'd rather be alone.. then losing my love towards u..

aku mohon padamu.. berilah daku kekuatan dalam menghadapi dugaan2 mu..
seseungguhnya.. engkau maha pengasih lagi maha penyayang ~

- last nite -

Haiz.. i donow what i'm thinking..
and actually, i donow..
either i make a right decision or not..
last niGht.. i hv a conversation with her..
i chat with her.


i said.. i won't be here for u anymore. as u are not waiting for me too.. cuz if u do, u would always hold on to me..

she said, z.. if u really wanna leave me like 4eva. then pls.. jz go.. u dun hv to say this many times..
its pain..

hmm.....
pain? i'm sorry dear.. for hurting u okei..
im jz tired, for waiting something which nvr care about what i feel..
i nvr wanna blame u for what jz happen to our past relationship.
but if u remember. it's u..
who make's me let u Go..
hv u ever think about that..?
sure not.. cuz u would blame me. for easily love other person after that..
is it wrong for me to love other person? im with another person.. while i'm single..
im not having an affair while im with u..

dear.. it's not problem either who's right or who's wrong..
who let go who.. or who hold on to who..

true love is on how long u would loVe sumone..
accept u the way u are..
believe on u no matter what..
stand with u, when u hv nothing to hold on to..
when distance can't change their feeling..

dear.. i donow, either i'm doing the right decision or not..
but what i do know. i must do something..
u donow, what it feels like when the person u love the most..

said "i lOve u sO muCh"..

when u hv nothing with her.. u hv NO relationship with her~
u know what? it's killing me.. everytime i hear that..
it's tear me up side dOwn.
realize that, i thought u were mine.. but the truth is NOT..
if u really do love me like u said.
u will be with me. stick with me..
em.. i donow.. maybe, u hv ur own reason..
im not blaming u here..
i jz wanna expressed what i feel here. cuz, i hv nothing to hold on to..
i can't keep this in my mind. as i will getting lost in my own illusion~

anyway.. dear.
like i ask u last nite..
jz forget about me. hate me..
don't ever treat me so good anymore..
don't get confuse anymore..
be happy with ur life.
im letting u go.. doesn't mean i hv stop loving u..
until this very moment.
i still loVe u :)

like u said. if u really wanna leave me like 4eva. then jz go..

okei.. i'll go..
if u are meant to be wif me. i donow, maybe it's miracle can unite us? huhu
it's u dear.. who let me go.. not me..

cUz until this time.. u knew.. but u jz won't realize it..
that..
im..
still here..
loving u..

see u.. from far away~

- operate Gigi -

doc says.. that i need to hv a surgery over my teeth..

i nvr taught it would be this hard

im scared

sad =(

- Gigi -

dari minggu lepas.. akU saket gigi..
dari akU d lahad datu lagi..
masa 1st sakit tue..
pegi la klinik..
doc pun cakap.

" u punya gigi aa.. x bole tampal suda o.. bole la kc slamat nie gigi kalo U maw.. buat treatment akar gigi.. tapi expensive la. dlm 6, 700 blom campur ubat arr"

WTH...
mana aku mo korek duit gtu byk tue? dlm tabung aku pun ada 100 ja kali.. =.="
mo minta beliau? aduiii.. xla aku berani..

alih2.. cabut ja la..
doc pun bg la ubat..
spya kc ilank sakit dlu.
1 week later. baru cabut..

sminggu kmudian..
iaitu.. hari ini.
aku d s.alam.
pegi klinik gigi d sni lak..

doc - " u sure nk cabut gigi nie?"
me - "yeah.. im sure"

selepas bberapa ketika..
dia bius, korek sna korek sni..
hancur sudah gigi aku nie..
baru dia cakap..

" gigi awk nie.. xle cabut la.. sbb ade halangan dari gigi tepi nie.. xPun akar gigi awk nie panjang"

i was like.. OMG.. DOC.. y u don't tell me earlier????
skrg.. dia suruh aku chill dlu..
mkn ubat tahan saket..
2 hari kmudian. baru dtg blk.. buat xray.
pastikn dlu napa gigi nsem aku nie napa xle cabut..
then baru dia do something.
adei..

i was like them sad rite now..
i hv to suffer this for 2 days?

ya Allah.. kuatknlah hamba mu ini =(

- Shah aLam -

Finally..
im Back again to my second Home~
sHah aLam =.="

this time..
im baCk with a new cHapter to begin..
a new story to write..

my sis n my bestfriend..
betting for me okei?
lose 1okg of my weight in 3 month..
can i do it?
yes! sure i can do it!!! hehe..

anyway..
mom.. dad.. sis.. mY brother2..
adeiii..
i miss U all really..
thanx 4 always believe in me..
gv me strength to get through my day..
u all are my life..
i lOve u aLL ~

this sem..
i will try.. study as best as i cOuld..
i will try to avoid thinking about sumthing that i should not think.
yeah.. sure i can do it.
i was alone. im now alone..
n i donow how long im going to be alone T_T
i don't need a gf to help me to get through my day~
i jz need me..
need my self..
need my strength to get through this..
i can do it! yes.. i can do it..

time..
adei~
dup dap dup dap ..
im 21 already..
i look at the mirror n i was like.. wat??
u r 21.. fat dudes.. n still study~
will u ever end ur study?
hell yeah i will end this.. i will graduate sumday.
the time will come for me.
yeah~ it will come..

mOm.. DaD..
i will make u proud sOmeday =)

U...

hmm.. 03/04/10 .. she finally delete me from her friend list ~
yea..
she delete me.. okei.
b4 this, she ask me.. to promise her. nvr delete her..
whatever happen. never delete her..
yea..
i nvr delete here okei..
eventhough i see many status. which apparently not related to me at all..

love u la.. rindu la.. kekasih la.. n watsoever..

hei.. do u think im happy seeing ur status?

i think so many times, to delete u.
cuz im tired of seeing all of that.
but, bcuz of my promise for u..
i face it.. i face what i dont wanna see..

em.. i donow what i feel actually.
im lose~
im confused~
im blurr~
i love u?
i hate u?
i donow..

but what i do know.. u dont wanna see me again.
u throw me away..
u r happy with ur new life, n now u wanna throw me away~
nvm..
i hv nothing to regret..
i do wat i should do.
i try wat i should try.
i gv all my best for u.
then..
it jz wont work..
its okei.
maybe we're not meant to be.
maybe its true. there's sum1 better for me.

U..
i hope u'll be happy with wat u decide..
dun regret later..
as i will never be here for u anymore.

im tired of everything.