- if only u knew -

yesterday.. after 3 month of silence.
i receive a msg at my fb.
it was her.
adei~
my heart suddenly stop beating. i start feel dizzy.. i cant breath properly..
hmm..
why.. after i said i wanna moVe on. u was there. come back.. asking am i okei o not..
ask im look happy.. n watsoever..
adei~

u thought.. i can simply easily love sum1 else jz like that a?
if love is really that simple. i would already hv a new gf liao~

i jz still cant 4get abouT u.
how am i going to love n beloved by sum1 else if i still thinking about u?

hmm.. sumtimes. i feel like im a stupid dudes only.
u've break my heart so many times.. still i care about u.
still. i Can't resist to reply ur msg..

dun ask me to move on. cuz i will if i want to..
dun ever ask me im fine o not..
cuz u know what the answer..
dun said u thought im happy if u nvr knew what i feel..
dun ever gv me hOpe..
when i know, i dont have any.
dun ever said.. u love me. when u dont mean it..

anyway.. i need to gv my 1st priority to my study..
xm is around d corner. n i cant think anything else other then my study.
my future depends on my xm.
not on loVe ~

love will come 4 me. there's no need 4 me to suffer thinking about who love me..
u love me o not..
who u really love..
adei.. i will try stop thinking about that.

1st thing 1st..
family.. study.. friends.. loVe~

anyway. this is what i really think about u..
u.. dont love me babe.
u jz afraid im loving sum1 else..
if u really love me.
u'll always wanna be with me. u'll always want me to be yours..
u'll never said.. move on. cuz the real truth is.. its U Move on.. not me.
u wont have a reason to love sum1..
if its really true distance can make us stop loving sum1.
y cant i?
maybe im not d lucky one yea..
haha.
who i love is thousands mile away from me. still i cant stop loving her
adei~ why i hv to suffer like this.. only God knows
i believe Allah hv its own plan for me. maybe.. there are beutiful things ahead me..
i jz need to believe n tawakal dgn takdirnya..

last is.. u said about y cant we jz be friends?

dear..
if i dont have any feelings towards u anymore.
yea. we can be friends jz like b4.. yes, i do wanna talk to u about lot of things..
but still i cant.. i jz cant..
i dont wanna feel how it hurts when u said. u love me.. u love me. u love me..
n 1 day.. u are with sum1 else. n the person is not me
it will hurt a lot u know
u will feel like u've been lied all this time.
same goes to u..
i dont wanna hurt u.
that is the last thing on earth i would ever do.
that is how muCh i love u.
if really i move on.. n i love another girl..
can u accept it..
can u face it..?
b4 that kind of things happen..
its better 4 me.. to stay away from u.
so it wont hurt us both..

dun said i dun wanna be with u..
cuz im always there.
it jz u never see me..

ya Allah.. pls gv me strength to get through this..
i need to be back on track..
focus on my life.. love sum1 who will love me.. more then i love her.
appreciate me.. the way i appreciate her..
i wish i will meet that person sumday..