3.36 am

okei.. its 3.36 am in the morning. and im here stuck writing in my blog..
lately, aku byk berfikir tentang kehidupan..
tentang diri aku, tentang masa depan..

well.. kita x taw kan, bila ajal kita.
tp yg sudah pasti, selagi mana kita masih hidup perjuangan utk mencari keredhaan Ilahi itu mest di teruskn..

anyway, bila berfikir tentang kehidupan.. tentang future..
aku jadi kaku.
aku jadi kelu.

maybe,
aku terlalu byk berfikir. maybe, aku adalah seorang yg kritikal thinking..
tapi.. apa yg aku fikirkn adalah sesuatu yg selama ini menjadi persoalan pada diri aku..

di manakah hati aku?

ya. sounds odd.. when a person specially man saying, where's my heart?
im not saying that im being sad here..
bukan.
tapi, setelah sekian lama dan setelah pelbagai ragam manusia aku jumpa..
aku realize yg hati aku sudah lama kering =.="

it means that..
all this years, i've been protecting myself from loving another person..
i don't realize that until this moment..

di sini, bukan aku cakap tentang cinta manusia yg typical..
meaning to say cinta yg berlandaskn nafsu semata2. bukan.
aku mengatakn tentang perasaan syg, tentang cinta yg berlandaskn syariat..

persoalannya..
boleh kah syg seseorg dgn istilah couple?

ada pelbagai view related dgn jawapan kepada persoalan ini..
untuk aku.. aku sudah menjawab persoalan ini berkali2..
which is, i don't really agree with couple sort of thing stuff..

couple nie, kalo relate dgn perasaan utk secure. rasa utk syg menyayangi ni..
adalah satu perkara yg rumit utk di bincangkn..
maksud aku, is it really secure?
i mean, kalo sudah couple baru kita rasa kita bole bagi commitment dgn org kita syg tue?
bila suda ada status mcm tue, baru boleh fikir tentang future kita dgn org kita sayang tue?
well.. consider kalau partner kita tu, bukan milik kita..
what will u feel?
im not being negative here.. im just wanna say..
sometimes, org yg bercouple bagai pon belum tentu lg akan bersama..
bagi aku, status itu tidaklah penting..
why bother think about the status when u know what u feel?
perlu kah cinta tue di balas skrg?
i mean.. as a guy. perlukah mengharap cinta yg kau beri tu di balas oleh perempuan yg ko syg?

in my point of view..
status itu tidaklah menjadi keutamaan.
apa yg penting, adakah kita sygkn dia?
ckuplah kita berusaha utk buat yg terbaik utk org kita sayang..
jika usaha itu berbaloi dan mmg dia adalah jodoh kita..
kita tidak perlu bersedih :)
ingatlah.. syaitan itu sentiasa berusaha melalaikn kita..
jagalah hati kita dgn sentiasa berdoa pada Allah..

like my mom use to said..
"kalau kita syg dgn org, minta tuhan tetapkn hatinya pada kita.. jgn merayu pada org tue, merayu lah pada yg maha esa. sesungguhnya, hati manusia tue tuhan yg pegang.."

anyway, my lord.. i don't know.. what's future hold for me.
but i do know that im willing to wait for her..
if it's worth waiting for..
make it easy for me, let me be patience in overcome the obstacle that im gonna face ahead..
if this is a test for me. i have faith within u my lord..
don't let me astray..
only u know's best my lord, and i pray that make it easy for me to realize if its good for me..
insyaAllah..

selamat selamat..

there's a time when u want to write something but u can't.. it's not because u don't know how to write. it's because u just can't explain what u really on your mind.

Yeah. that's me now.

that's why i haven't update my blog for a long time.

anyway,
selamat hari raya aidifitri.. i know, maybe aku la org plg lambat wish hari raya di kalangan bloggers. tapi mo wish juga :)
selamat hari raya aidilfitri, maaf zahir dan batin..
dan selamat hari Malaysia :)

so, what to say today?
okei..
1st of all, i need a perfect getaway.. yeah. a perfect, means i need a vacation to free my mind from all the trash, all the things that demotivated me this several month..

and yeah, lucky me. this 4 nov im going to korea for a holiday with family :)
its a perfect getaway maybe? yeah. i hope it will be..
lagipun.. inilah cuti terakhir aku sebelum aku masuk alam pekerjaan.
bulan 3 nie aku da habis, lepas tue praktikal. habis praktikal.. kerja..
bila lagi aku ada masa bercuti?
yeah. xda..
da kerja nt, mo apply cuti pun susah..

anyway, i realize that.. lagi meningkat umur nie, lg besar tanggungjwb.. ( owh so lame, skrg baru sedar )

ya.. sebab, sblm nie cakap ja. tidak sama bila melaluinya sendiri.. i mean, mom already ask whether i have a gf or not and so and so..
haiysh..
it's not that i hate that kind of question, but how am i gonna answer it?
i know.. she cares too much, well.. dia risau kalau aku masih ingat ex aku, and sbb tue aku single smpai skrg.

mom..
believe me. i'm fine :)
this has nothing to do with my previous experience. it's just i don't meet the right person yet.
xkan la mo kelam kabut ada gf rite.. nt x kemana susah jg..
yalah, bukan budak2 lagi.. im an adult already, mest la mo cari gf yg bole betul2 jd komitmen..
kalo boleh, i don't want a gf.. but, nowadays mcm mana mo deter perangai dia kalo x kenal as gf?
i don't know lah..

bukan senang mo cari perempuan ajak kawin terus kn.
mau dia cakap aku nie pelik nt..
well, tue lah budaya d malaysia. what to do ~~

nvm that, the important thing is i believe that this life is a wonderful journey..
i'm not gonna feel sympathy to myself just because i don't have someone beside me.
well, Allah always there for me :)

i have faith within u Allah.
if i've already meet the right person, please make it easy for me to realize..
and make it easy for me and her to go through..
amin..

anyway, right now..
focus on my priority..
live for the sake of Allah.
live to comfort my mom and dad.
achieve all my ambition.
and, i believe love will always coming along the way.
never lose hope. always remember Allah know's best..

staring at the ceiling and remembering the old days.. No matter how hard life is, Life must go on. Don't give up. always have faith ;)